Responding well when your buttons' are pushed
There’s always that one person that knows how to push your buttons. When someone is trying to upset you, the worst thing you can do is oblige them.
If you reward their behaviour, you encourage them to do the same thing again in the future. Instead, you can take control of the situation by taking control of yourself and responding in a better way.
Remember, that while a situation or another person may push your buttons, you can control your response:
So here are some suggestions to respond when another person pushes your buttons.
• Stay calm.
Grow yourself larger than a few bitter or negative words. Take a deep breath, think about something pleasant, and move on. Calming yourself is a skill and it comes with practice. With enough practice, nothing will be able to upset you.
• Consider if you are at fault in any way.
Are complaining or being a little difficult? Are you unreasonably fussy or a perfectionist? When this is the case, you willl probably draw some unwanted comments, fair or not. Look at the situation from the other person's eyes and see if a different course of action could improve things.
• Consider why they’re trying to upset you.
Does the other person dislike you? Perhaps they are trying to be funny? Is it about control? What could be the purpose of their behaviour? Once you know the motivation, you’ll be in a better position to choose your response.
• Remove the reward.
If they’re trying to be funny, just tell them you don’t appreciate it. If they’re trying to upset you, smile and move on. People who don’t get the reaction they’re looking for, will usually stop.
• Deal with your buttons.
If it pushes your buttons, you own it. They are your buttons after all. Consider why you are so delicate about this issue? What can you do to remove all the emotion surrounding it? Your personal buttons are your responsibility to deal with. Enjoy the freedom that comes from eradicating them.
• Address your buttons with others.
Are you sensitive about your weight or your faith? Let others know which topics you would prefer to avoid. The other person might be happy to accommodate you in the future. It is important to speak up.
• Stick up for yourself.
It is possible that the other person may not know that they are upsetting you. Speak up for yourself and tell them how you feel. No one can read your mind. Take responsibility for letting others know how you want to be treated.
• Realise that harmful comments come from personal insecurities.
Often people react negatively, due to insecurities within themselves. Being aware of this will help you respond in a more measured and understanding way. Try to feel compassion for the other person and avoid taking the comments seriously.
• Leave the situation.
if necessary, if you are very upset, leave the situation. Take a break and give yourself a few minutes to collect your thoughts and calm your emotions. Everyone needs 'time-out' on occasion.
You can then go back with a calm mind and refreshed attitude.
To Sum Up
It’s no fun when you believe that others are trying to push your buttons. However, you do not have to get upset when someone else tries to antagonise you. Take control of the situation and your emotions. Do what you can to disengage from the attack. Maintain your serenity and choose your response wisely. You wll find your buttons are pushed less and less.
Appreciate the Gift
The chance to face difficulties and appreciate the adventure they bring shows up almost every day. Money gets tight. Relationships are strained. We face illness and loss. We lose the jobs we love. And in every scenario the choice is ours as to how we handle it...
Will you ride the rapids, or crumble amidst the tumbling waters, cursing your circumstances?
Funds can be raised. Plans can be rearranged and improved upon. Exciting new relationships are around every corner. Life moves on, and the river keeps twisting.
Difficulties are life's way of reminding you that you're still alive, that there is opportunity to grow, and that there's still much adventure to be had. Hardship makes life exciting.
Shanti Gowans is the globally recognised author and founder of Shanti Yoga™, Meditation and Ayurveda for the self, family and community.
Shantiji has brought the concepts and practices of a healthy body and a still mind to thousands of Australians through her Yoga and Meditation programs on national television... Read more about Shantiji's biography
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