SPENDING TIME ALONE TOGETHER: SILENT MEDITATION RETREATSDecember 18, 2023
BE EMPOWERED, INSIDE AND OUTJanuary 22, 2024
We encounter varied and different personalities wherever we are in life and at work. Some are easy to get along with, whereas, others are harder to vibe with.
How well you are able to work with people often depends on your workplace communication style. Remember, you don’t always communicate with your words. A combination of verbal and nonverbal cues and the manner in which you share ideas, information, and issues in a professional setting, affect how you interact, learn, share, and collaborate.
Effective and appropriate communication is linked to greater productivity, better organisational health, and increased team satisfaction. How you communicate can also play a huge role in determining your personal and professional growth, wellbeing and success.
Everyone is unique, and their communication style is based on their unique characteristics, which drive their approach to sharing and exchanging information with others. Being aware of and mindful about your communication style, will allow you to enhance your interactions with others and play an important role in building your personal interactions. In addition, it’s also important to recognise other people’s communication styles. This can be crucial, because we all have different ways of interacting, processing, and conveying information. If you can recognise the differences, you can use your emotional intelligence to adapt to the needs and preferences of others, and make life/work a pleasant experience for everyone.
This message explores some examples, characteristics, and causes of dismissive behaviour, as well as some strategies that can help you cope with a person exhibiting dismissive behaviour
WHAT IS DISMISSIVE BEHAVIOUR?
Dismissive behaviour involves brushing someone off, ignoring them, or being indifferent to them. It can be disrespectful, inconsiderate, or downright rude.
Being dismissed can leave a person feeling unwanted and unimportant, as if that person doesn’t matter. It can be undermining in a workplace, or in a family.
Dismissive behaviour can take many forms. For example, you enter a room and greet someone, but they pretend not to notice you. Or, you make a suggestion in a meeting and a colleague rolls
their eyes, sucks their teeth, sighs or makes comments under their breath but audible enough to have the desired effect.
A dismissive person might be dismissive of only you, of specific types of people (people of a specific age, race, or gender, for example), or of all other people in general.
EXAMPLES OF DISMISSIVE BEHAVIOUR
People have described dismissive behaviour as:
- Not greeting you or acknowledging your presence
- Showing no interest in what you’re saying
- Interrupting you or trying to shut you up when you’re speaking
- Habitually ignoring your calls or text messages
- Brushing off your suggestions without considering them
- Not answering your questions
- Giving short, monosyllabic answers when prompted
- Excluding you from a conversation
- Asking everyone’s preference or opinion except yours
- Pretending your concerns are not valid
- Treating your contributions as insignificant
- Devaluing your needs or wants
- Constantly putting you down in front of others, while simultaneously praising others
- Offering everyone something such as a cup of tea or a sandwich, but excluding the person you’re dismissive of
- Not listening to how that person sees things and putting your own spin on it.
HOW DOES A DISMISSIVE PERSON ACT?
These are some of the actions of a dismissive person:
- Sighing as though you’re tiresome
- Shrugging off your concerns
- Smirking at your words
- Rolling their eyes at your suggestions
- Not making eye contact with you
- Facing away from you during the interaction
- Walking away from you while you’re speaking to them
EXAMPLES OF DISMISSIVE STATEMENTS
These are some examples of dismissive statements:
- “That doesn’t really matter.”
- “I don’t have time for this.”
- “I’ve heard it all before.”
- “That’s not important, let’s move on.”
- “That’s a silly idea.”
- “It’s not worth discussing.”
- “You’re overreacting.”
- “Why are you making such a big deal out of this?”
- “You’re being so aggressive again!”
- “I’ve told you a million times…
SOME CHARACTERISTICS AND SIGNS OF A DISMISSIVE PERSON
These are some signs and characteristics of a dismissive person:
- Being judgmental: Judging a person on factors such as their appearance or social status. Finding that person lacking, and proceeding to dismiss them if they’re not the same as you.
- They don’t make you a priority: The person doesn’t make you a priority and treats you like you’re unimportant.
- They always have to be right: The person ignores what you are saying and doesn’t think your concerns are valid. They think they know best and they always have to be right, no matter what.
- They become defensive when confronted: The person becomes defensive and either makes excuses or attacks you if you point out their behaviour.
- They never apologise: The person doesn’t admit to any wrongdoing and never apologises.
- They don’t take you seriously: The person doesn’t take your suggestions, ideas, achievements, or feelings seriously.
- They belittle you: The person mocks you or uses sarcasm to belittle you. They tell other people negative things about you behind your back, so that you donot know what is being said and have no means of redress. You don’t have the opportunity to defend yourself.
- They minimise your feelings: Rather than acknowledging that your feelings are valid, the person tells you you’re overreacting, being a drama queen or making a big deal out of nothing.
- They withdraw from conflict: Rather than dealing with important issues and working them out, the person withdraws from the conflict, leaving you feeling upset and unheard.
WHAT MAKES A PERSON DISMISSIVE?
These could be some of the potential causes of dismissive behaviour:
- Conflict-avoidance: People who are conflict-avoidant may prefer to dismiss the issue than deal with it.
- Blame: Blaming you for making them feel a certain way… bad or mad, for instance, for putting them down, or having a negative impact on them. They may walk away or give you the silent treatment.
- Poor anger management skills: Sometimes, someone might be dismissive of you because they‘re angry with you and have not cultivated anger management skills.
- Misdirected anger: If, for instance, someone has been trying hard to control their emotions (or be polite) in a difficult environment or circumstances (as perceived by them), causing them to feel resentful, irritable or pushed around all day, they may want to avoid losing their cool because they feel that they have less willpower to manage their emotions with you. I. this instance, their anger may end up being misdirected and they may take it out on someone else.
- Stress. Some people who are under a lot of stress may withdrawn their energy to cope with the pressures at hand
- Learned behaviour: If a person grew up in an environment where their caregivers or role models were dismissive, they may adopt similar behaviour patterns as they grow older.
- Attachment style: People who had unresponsive caregivers in childhood may have a dismissive avoidant attachment style. They may detach themselves from others and exhibit dismissive behaviour as a defence mechanism, in order to reject others before they can be rejected.
- Low self-esteem: Though it seems counterintuitive, people with low self-esteem may exhibit dismissive behaviour as a way of protecting their fragile sense of self. Dismissing others can help them maintain a sense of superiority over others.
- Emotional trauma: People who have experienced emotional trauma, such as betrayal, abandonment, or rejection, may develop dismissive behaviour as a way of distancing themselves from others and protecting themselves from further emotional pain.
- Passive control: Some people use dismissive behaviour to passively exert control over others. They maintain their dominance by withholding their attention and affection.This, has a stronger effect on the other person who has any desire or need for their attention or affection.
If you genuinely feel that you are dealing with a dismissive person
- You might consider bringing it to their attention: If someone is behaving dismissively towards you, you could point out how you perceive their behaviour and bring it to their attention. If they were not aware that they were doing it, they might start to be more mindful of it.
- Tell them how you feel: Explain to the person how their actions are making you feel. For instance, you could say: “When you don’t respond to my greeting, it makes me feel like I’m not important to you, or you are unhappy with me for something I have done or you just don’t want to be here.”
- Assert yourself: If the person tends to dismiss your suggestions or preferences, you might need to be more direct and assertive by stating your needs or opinions clearly, firmly, and respectfully.
- Seek support: If the person’s behaviour often causes you to feel upset or overwhelmed, talk to loved ones about it or consider seeking support from a mental health professional.
The consciousness that is you and the consciousness that is me,
apparently two, really one, seek unity,
and that is love.
Look at your behaviour to understand the impact of your ‘perception limitations.’ If the person’s behaviour persists towards you, examine whether the suggestions you make are belittling, condescending or warranted. You may have to change something, such as reassessing spending time with them, or not providing unsolicited advice, or not telling them what to do.
- Don’t make assumptions
- Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want.
- Communicate with others as clearly and respectfuly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama
Discover your ‘attentional blindness’ and what it is costing you. Be aware of reactive patterns that ‘hook’ or ‘trigger’ you or ‘them’and release the self-limiting habits, addictions, and behaviours that stop you from living spontaneously and fully.
- Don’t take anything personally.
- Nothing others do is because of you
- What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream
- When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.
Be aware of the specific and damaging ‘cognitive virus’ that is spreading unchecked within you. Internal enemies can wreck your health as you age. The simple way to help combat them is being on the spiritual path. Take a moment to assess even a small corner of your heart. Others are merely mirrors of you. Declutter, reorganise, and even add some inspiration. If you set many rigid boundaries and rules about how other people must treat you, you’re going to alienate yourself or hurt people if your expectations are unreasonable, and hurt yourself when they are not met.
- Be impeccable with your word
- Your word is your reality. Speak with integrity
- Say only what you mean
- Avoid using words to speak against yourself or gossip about others
- Use the power of your words in the direction of truth and love
Understand the myth behind self improvement that is keeping you stuck and frustrated, and away from the absolute Truth. Stop. Breathe, and remember that nothing has gone wrong… a dream is dying, that is all. A second hand dream of how this moment should have been.
- Always do your best
- Your best is going to change from moment to moment; It will be different when you are healthy and when you are unwell, when you are happy and when you are grieving.
- Under any and all circumstances, simply do your best and you will avoid self-judgement, self-abuse and regret.
- Don’t give up before the miracle.
The device of our torture becomes our salvation. Remember Jesus on the cross. Perhaps you will find your salvation in the very thing that you are running away from. There is no better than ‘here’
Infuse the darkness inside with your light.
When a soul is separated from a state of gratitude
Their inner light is uncontrollably dimmed.
In these moments, they lose sight of their blessings.
Their energetic blueprint shifts from a state of abundance to a state of lack.
And their happiness is easily derailed by any small negative thought or idea.
Gratitude is an antidepressant
If we could bottle gratitude and sell it, we would all be buying it because grateful people feel well and are treated well. There’s so much about gratitude that is beneficial for our physical and mental health and well being. It is a God given antidepressant,
Gratitude is an anti-inflammatory
It softens our internal life.
Grateful people are kinder, gentler, softer people.
Gratitude is a mental and emotional anti-inflammatory in its effect on us.
Gratitude takes the sting and the pain out of our suffering.
It defangs suffering and weakens our suffering.
Gratitude is empowering
It is a way of taking our power back from things in life that were stolen from us.
You lose something of your power when you stop being grateful. Gratitude gifts you back your power from people and things who stole it.
Gratitude is free
We should use far more liberally than we do.